This week started well and then for reason unknown on Friday I sort of had a mini blowup. I was only 11 points up for the week which I was fine with. I acknowledged that I did force a few trades here and there, but some of the days were tough going and a bit of a grind, so I accept that. It's not great trading, but I accept it. So once I had finished I decided I would go for a walk as it was a beautiful morning. Whilst out on my walk I reflected on my week and how it compared to last week and I was very happy with myself, but then a thought struck me. 'What if I traded in the afternoon at work?' I was only up 11 points so it wasn't that big of a deal. But then I reasoned with myself how would I feel in each of the following scenarios -
1) I made another 10 or 15 points to bring the weeks tally to 25/26 points?
Answer - I'd be pretty indifferent to it as it's only another few points and it wouldn't make a big difference to my account.
2) I lost the 11 points profit I had, and possibly more?
Answer - I'd be disappointed in myself as it shows a lack of discipline and also it would turn a winning week into a breakeven/ losing week.
Now as you can see, one of these outcomes not only has a negative effect on my account, but it has a far greater negative effect on my emotion and my mindset, when compared to the positive effect of the other.
So what did I do?
Yup you guessed it. I traded. It still baffles me as to why. So I took a trade in the DAX on my Mobile whilst at work. It opened and I was in a small profit (I think some 7/8 points) and I was thinking of just closing it, when suddenly it snap stopped me out! WTF? Then it dawned on me. I had placed the trade at 14:28. The US markets open officially at 14:30...FFS! I didn't even notice the time because I was distracted with work. This then lit the fuse shall we say. I had another two losing trades after that, I missed great set ups which would've resulted in 30+ point trades (due to having to work and not being able to monitor my phone) and this only fuelled the frustration. So...I traded the NASDAQ...again...after swearing I wouldn't. I had a small win, but then another loss which took my account under an emotionally significant number (more about this phenomenon in a bit) and I couldn't let it stay like that. I took one more trade which was a winner and as such it took me back above the number and I was done!
The worst part of this was all the time I was saying to myself "Please stop. Please stop doing this. When are you going to stop doing this?" Reading this now makes me feel sad for myself, I let myself down, but also, ironically, I feel happy. I know what I am doing is self destructive and although I have done it many times before, I feel this time that I will not succumb to it like I have done. I don't know why I feel like this and my history would suggest otherwise, but just lately I have been reading 'Mind Magic - The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How it Changes Everything' by Dr James R Doty and it is changing my life. It really is. I wont go into detail here but just know that it is having a more positive effect on my life that anything similar ever has, and it is because of this I've managed to reflect and acknowledge in a way that I've not been able to before, and I feel so much more confident in myself and my actions and my reactions. Well, I guess the only way to know for sure is in how I trade this coming week. That is the only way to measure my emotional progress and discipline and to see if I can actually put and end to the self sabotaging.
*A note on emotionally siginificant numbers
I'm basically referring to WHOLE numbers. Most people, whether they realise it or not, will place an entry or a stop at a whole number. They are subconsciously drawn to them. It is very rare for someone to place a stop at say 27 or 38. They will place it at 30 and 40 respectively. Using this knowledge I will never place my entry or stop losses at these levels, I will always place them 2 or 3 points above/ below, trade dependent. The amount of times I have placed and entry at a significant number (whole) only for the market to hit that number and then immediately retrace is laughably numerous.
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