Up until Thursday, this week was going well. Sure, I wasn't up as much as I should've been had I followed my strategy, but I was making progress and trading well. I was taking the signals as they presented themselves without hesitation, I was flipping the switch when a trade moved against me, and cutting losers. It was going well. That is until Thursday. I was in pain as I had strained my oblique. This meant that sitting itself was painful and I considered actually not trading, but the FOMO got the better of me and I decided I couldn't afford to miss a day. The problem was this lead to poor focus, which lead to poor discipline, which lead to poor decision making. It resulted in my undoing the week so far (30 points) and actually turning it into a loss (-54 points on the day).
I understand that no strategy is 100% successful, and I understand that on volatile days my strategy can work against me, but this day I let it affect me mentally, and this carried on into Friday. Friday I didn't go to work so I decided to trade longer than usual (this should've been the first warning sign that I was not in the right place mentally. I had revenge in mind subconsciously). The first trade I took, had I followed my strategy and used my exit technique, I could've taken out 60+ points, but I used emotion instead and took out 10 points. This only served to make me more determined and compounded my misery. Then I screwed up. I took a trade which went against me and instead of cutting it loose or flipping the switch, I let it stop me out taking with it the profits of the prior two trades, and then some. I never fully psychologically recovered from that and ended up keeping the broker open all day in a desperate attempt to get back to even. I stopped trading the morning session and waited until the afternoon for the US to open and the volatility to return to the DAX. Something I never do. I even took a trade, on my phone, in the NASDAQ. When the day was over I was only 6 points down. Now you might think that was a result, but it wasn't. The 'how' of why I ended up only 6 points down is what concerned me. I thought I had moved beyond the revenge trading, the wanting to get back to even, but clearly I hadn't. The only shining light is that my over trading wasn't reckless, it was measured, which is something at least. I stayed in control when I wasn't in control, if that makes sense?
This week has been humbling to say the least. Just when I thought I was making true progress, (I actually am in hindsight because of the amount of times I FTS when trading this week) I realise there is still a lot of work to do. I think sometimes we all need weeks like this, just to ground us and make us realise that we haven't mastered trading nor ourselves, and that in the face of success, we still need to remain humble.
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