Title says it all. I just had another melt down and today I had 3 losing trades in a row, I withdrew £100 to leave myself what was left of my balance, £37.70 and then couldn't work out why I was able to place a trade, with a tight stop, only for it to not execute??? Then it struck me. I don't have sufficient funds in the account to cover the margin.
So after placing trades which I would've taken every time and them going against me, even though the probability was high they wouldn't, for example getting in the bottom of a twenty minute Trading Range, only for it to break that range once I entered, I could've had a great 33 point trade and made back all my losses, but because I withdrew £100 I now cannot take any trades as I don't have sufficient funds in the account. THIS SUMS IT UP PERFECTLY FOR ME.....
It literally is the story of my fucking trading life. I could watch a market stay in a range for an hour, and as soon as I take a position, that's when it breaks out. Or I could take a great momentum trade, only for it to stall and retrace on the exact candle I entered on. Then of course, after I am stopped out it takes off. Now I am not saying 'they' are trying to take my money because they are not concerned with my pathetic £0.50 per point, but it seems that fate is trying to tell me that trading is not for me.
So that's it. I am done. I am not going to update this anymore, and I am going to close my WIX account. Well at times it was fun, but I don't know if it's just because I am in a bad mood and have been for the last couple of days, but I just feel so down. As I write this the market is rallying in what would've been my directions and I could've banked 50 points....of fucking course...
So FML as I have no idea now how I am going to live the life of freedom that I want so badly. I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes...F.....M.....L.....
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**So....now that's off my chest I feel a little better. It's good to clear the air sometimes and just stand in the woods and scream. It's Wednesday night, 22:34 and I've not long finished work. I've had all day, albeit at work, to think about this morning. It was basically a knee jerk reaction to an unfortunate series of events which coupled with my bad mood, formed the perfect storm to lead in into a bit of a 'the Universe is against me' meltdown. In fact I know this is not true at all because I can recount numerous times in the last month or so when it has delivered to me exactly what I needed at the time. It's just that as humans we need to apportion the blame to something and we sure as hell are not going to do it to ourselves. The problem is, at least in my case, it is my fault and mine alone why all of the things that have happened in the last couple of days have happened. I have allowed the outside to influence the inside and that is what I am trying to, not avoid, but am trying to stop from happening by remaining in control of my actions and reactions. By being in the present moment and not living in the past as Dr Joe Dispenza would put it. But, it's fucking hard. It's probably one of the hardest things that we as humans with our years of evolutionary preprogramming have to overcome. Our subconscious keeps us alive but for some of us, at great mental pain, and sometimes physical pain. Stress. So I am NOT quitting trading, I can't. It's a part of me now and always will be. Nor am I quitting Wix.
I will be a successful trader.
I will control my actions and reactions.
I will be present.
I will change my subconscious operating system to serve me and serve me well.
I will, together with the Universe, manifest my ideal life. It is law.
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