I f**ked up...

I feel like quitting. I really do. I had a disaster of a day and dropped 60 points when I had no need to. I traded on my mobile as well. I was hesitant to take trades which would've been winners as my prior losses were on my mind. I wasn't focussed or disciplined. It was a complete shit show and week I am most definitely not proud of. I just lost it. I traded on my phone whilst I was at work desperately trying to make back losses. I kept looking at the markets and couldn't stop myself. It was fucking awful. And it felt awful. In fact, it still does when I think about it. It makes me shudder. It was so bad in fact that I didn't even log my trades for Thursday and Friday on my spreadsheet, something I do every day to review my actual trading and compare it to my hypothetical trading. Basically comparing what I did to what I should've done if I had followed my strategy to the letter.

But, I decided that was it. I wasn't going to dwell on it as I cannot undo it, I can only learn from it. So I drew a line under this last week, figuratively and literally (on the spreadsheet) and have had a weekend of contemplation and self assessment. I sit here now ready to begin a new, and to be aware of myself and have in place some tool with which to monitor my actions and my thoughts and if they even slightly get a little off, I will quit for the day and that is that. I've never come so close to wanting to quit as I did this week. But after this weekend I realised that that, is the last thing I want to do. I was putting too much pressure on myself to make points every day. If I missed a move or closed a trade early, rather than accept it, I used is as fuel to fire me up to take random trades to try and make up for it. I was hesitant to take signals when they were generated. I missed set up because I was still dwelling on the 'if only I'd...'.

I don't ever want to repeat last week, and the way I feel, I never will, but it will be hard and not just a quick fix. This is merely a bump in the road, albeit a large one, but a bump is all it is, and I am over it now.